Monday Movie Review - SOUTHBOUND

This hour and a half movie is actually five short stories interwoven together, and for the most part it works. The strongest of the bunch is the first and last, "The Way Out" and "The Way In". To me, the twist is absolutely marvelous, and the hovering death creatures are some of the coolest and most terrifying effects I've seen in a long time. I actually went back to rewatch the first story after finishing the movie, just to see how they worked as one.

Two of the middle stories, "Siren" and "The Accident" feel more like one longer story that was chopped in half. The weakest one was the middle story, "Jailbreak", which I feel was a waste of time.

But, overall, this was an entertaining ninety minutes. And it was interesting to see how bits and pieces from one story were embedded in another story. I predict this one will soon show up on cable.

But if you don't want to wait, my verdict is for you to  

Monday Movie Review - COOTIES

I love dark humor, but lately the influx of dark humor horror movies have left me a bit high and dry. But after viewing the trailer to Cooties, I decided to give it a try.

I love this movie!

Elijah Wood leads this cast as one of several elementary school teachers who have to fend off a hoard of infected children after the cafeteria fed them tainted chicken nuggets. The "teaching remarks" are so relate-able to this retired teacher, and the in jokes fly thick and fast. (Can we say Hobbits?) Plus the gore is plentiful for those of you who like their meat served raw and with plenty of sauce.

Which is why my hearty recommendation is that you

Then invite your horror buddies over for an evening showing.

Two small notes: The movie ends with a perfect setup to a second movie, which I hope there will be. And there is an extra scene at the very end of the titles.

Monday Movie Review - 100 Bloody Acres

 

It's been a while since I've written a movie review. Frankly, there's been little I've seen that's inspired me to write one. That was, until I came across this little jewel on iTunes.

100 Bloody Acres is an Australian film filled with black humor and horror, and I loved every minute of it. Two brothers own a small business fertilizer company, and times have been tough. They've resorted to picking up road kill to add potassium to their mixture, until the day came when they (for some unfathomable reason) decided to pick up a few human bodies they'd found after a tragic car accident. Voila! The mixture proved to be so popular, they were suddenly besieged with orders. Thus making them hard-pressed to keep up with the demand...until one day when younger brother Reg came across three young adults stranded on a deserted road. Hmm, if road kill worked so well, why not try freshly killed? It sounded like a good plan, until Reg started getting sweet on the female of the trio.

The gore is intense, the blood is plentiful, and even I caught a lot of the relevant Aussie humor. You buy into the characters, and their problems and their relationships. Best of all, the accents aren't so thick that you can't understand the dialog. I only wish I could have seen some outtakes or heard the director's comments during the film. I'm hoping when the movie is released on DVD, those juicy bits are included.

Which is why my rare but firm recommendation is that you

Monday Movie Review - HELL

I'd been hearing about this movie for some time. That it's a post-apocalyptic story about survivors trying to live in a world where the sun has scorched everything into a wasteland. Considering how much I love these kinds of movie, I thought I'd give it a spin.

We're introduced to three people driving through the countryside. An older sister with her boyfriend are in the front seat. The younger sister is in the back. They're looking for food, water, and gasoline, and come across what appears to be a deserted gas station. Instead, they meet another young man, who joins them on their journey.

Where are these people headed? We don't exactly know. It's like they're aimlessly searching for a place to "settle down". Instead, they run across a group of cannibals, and thus we get to the action part of the movie where they try to escape.

Although the acting was good, and the effects were better, a lot about this movie didn't make sense. For example, if it was so damn hot, why didn't any of them sweat? Why weren't their clothes wringing wet after spending so much time inside a stifling hot car with the windows rolled all the way up?

For all the nifty production values, the film fell flat for me. No real surprises. No real tension. There are lots of good post-apoc movies, and many of them don't have zombies or monsters - just the human sort. But when it comes to this one, my suggestion is that you

Monday Movie Reviews - STORAGE 24

Aliens in a Storage Facility

The trailer looked great for this one. So when I got the chance to see it on HDNet Movies on DirectTV before it hit theaters, I jumped at the chance.

Right off the bat, it started off with an airplane crashing into one of those storage u-lock-it-and-leave-it places. The people who were inside at the time are trapped when the electricity is cut, and the doors opening to the outside no longer work. Which means they're trapped inside with something that fell out of the plane when it crashed.

I have to admit, the initial idea seemed solid. The acting is pretty good. But unfortunately, the movie falls flat. I love the fact that it takes place in London (or rather, in the London suburbs). Otherwise, there is very little for me to recommend. At every twist and turn, I felt as if I was watching a contemporary version of Aliens, but inside a storage facility instead of a spaceship. It's just a matter of seeing who gets picked off one at a time, and who'll survive for one last match-up at the end.

The way I judge a movie is whether or not I'd watch it again once it's released on TV. If I want to watch it again and can't wait for the release, it's a BUY. When I'll watch it again on TV or Netflix, it's a RENT. If I couldn't care less, it's a BURY.

Unfortunately, my recommendation is to

Mooney's Movie Review - 247 Degrees Fahrenheit

First of all, let me say that "that scene", the one on the cover of the box, isn't in the movie. A variation of it is, however. Second, don't let the jagged teeth of glass in the little window fool you (that window is prominently displayed in lots of promo shots). The window in the movie has no glass left once it's busted. 

Now, other than those couple of trifling nitpics, this movie is pretty darn good. Four young 20-somethings go to visit an uncle of one of them, who has invited them up for a visit during a festival. This uncle has a cabin (hand built) on the lake, and that cabin is to die for. It even comes with its own sauna.

Of the foursome, two are a couple, and the other two are on essentially a blind date. The two girls are closest friends, btw. The girl on this date is still suffering the loss of her fiancee three years ago. Her date for this weekend trip is tall, blond, exquisitely built, and as kind and considerate as anyone could want.

The girl's closest friend is trying to get her to come out of her self-imposed cave and start living again. Eventually she consents to strip down to her underwear and go for a dip into the lake, followed by a trip into the sauna. Lake, sauna, lake...you get the picture. Of course, all this time, the two guys are drinking heavily, which never mixes well with heat. Eventually, the one guy, the one with the uncle, gets so smashed, he passes out on the couch. He never realizes he's accidentally locked his friends in the sauna.

This movie is "based on a true event". There's very little blood, and it can be slow at times. But what makes it horrific is that this could really happen. This is not a horror movie based on pretend creatures that don't exist. It's not about abominable people, or cannibals, serial killers, or zombies. It's about what could actually occur. And once that realization is set in your mind, you can sit back and watch these people cook to death.

My recommendation? 

Monday Movie Review - LA HORDE

It appears that France has become a major exporter of horror films, and I'm thrilled.  They don't recycle old movies.  They don't back down from the intensely graphic scenes.  And they don't cut corners when it comes to originality.

LA HORDE, at first, looks to be another zombie movie.  Well, not quite.  It's about a plague or infection (the movie doesn't make it clear) that suddenly turns the inhabitants of Paris into raving cannibals.  (Hint:  look for the unnerving scene of them beating on the glass doors, and their breaths fog up the cold glass!)

The movie actually starts out in a way you don't expect.  Like, don't expect the stars to be six ex-college friends.  And don't expect the "norms" of American horror films to be present here.  In LA HORDE, a cop is killed by hoodlums.  The cop's friends (also cops) decide upon some vigilante justice.  In the midst of bad guys smoking good guys, and vice versa, the seedy abandoned building where all this is taking place is suddenly overrun with said ghouls.  Reluctantly, the good and bad guys call a temporary truce in order to save their butts from the flesh eaters.

Another thing I liked about this movie is the ending.  If you can surprise me, that's when I give a hearty recommendation to: 

Monday Movie Review - AMUSEMENT

This is a perfect example where the trailer is better than the movie.  That being said, here's the nitty gritty:

Three girls taunt a young boy, who is showing one of the major tendencies of a possible serial killer (eg. torturing and killing little animals.)  They tattle on him.   Years later, as a grown man, he sets his sights on these now young women.  

There are no true scares, so-so camera work, and basically no logistical reason for the movie to exist.  The acting rates a 5 on a scale of 10, but otherwise this film is riddled with trite scenarios.  If you're looking for something to do a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" dialog to, this one's for you.

If you have a clown phobia, you might want to avoid this one.
Better yet, just go ahead and

Monday Movie Review - THE CELLAR DOOR

A lonely, misguided man sees a girl.  He waits until she's alone, and kidnaps her.  He keeps her in his cellar, and cruelly taunts her, treats her like crap, and emotionally and mentally abuses her.  Yes, there is some physical abuse, but overall this movie didn't grab me.  The "spine-tingling" didn't happen, but I watched until the end of the film to see how it would play out. 

I don't know.  This film has a multitude of kudos going for it, but for some reason I just couldn't get into it.  The girl manages to outwit her abductor, and he gets his in the end.  Okay, so tell me we haven't seen this scenario countless times before. 

I will admit the acting was okay.  The gore value was so-so.  I really didn't have any problems with the movie other than the fact that it didn't scare me, and I really couldn't have cared less for the victim or the culprit.

My recommendation, therefore, is to:

Monday Movie Review - PONTYPOOL

Stephen MacHattie creates a memorable performance as a washed-out DJ who has lost every on-air job he's had because of his highly-opinionated monologues.  In fact, I had to go back and check this movie out again after I found out who played the character of the grizzled alcoholic, who was now regulated to providing school closures in some backwater town in Canada.

Yes, there are zombies in this movie, but the gut punch doesn't come from the bloodletting.  In fact, the gore value is pretty tame.  It's the psychological impact that'll stick with you long after.

One thing I'm always looking for is discovering how movemakers explain the cause of the zombie plague.  I have to give kudos for this one.  It's not only unique, it isn't given to you via a long scientific explanation.  It.  Just.  Is.

The movie's setting is kept within the confines of the little, out-of-the-way radio station.  It's told in Real Time, where we watch the action slowly advance from "out there" to where the survivors are located and waiting for the inevitable to reach them. 

This is a superb little film.  Well told, well acted, and well worth the wait I had to go through for it to finally show up for me to rent.  Oh, and when you do, look for the little "extra" after the credits.

My recommendation? 

Monday Movie Review - ECHO

From the people who brought us THE RING and THE GRUDGE, we get ECHO. And although this version is the US version, there are some moments when you can almost envision the pale little girl in the dirty dress and long, stringy black hair covering her face.

From IMDB:  Bobby Reynolds is released on probation from Rikers and moves to the old apartment in East Village, New York, where his lonely mother lived and passed away. He finds a job as mechanic at the Houston Auto Repair shop owned by the supportive Hector Rodriguez and tries to rebuild his life. However, he is deemed an outcast and his former friends and neighbors do not want to talk to him. Bobby hears weird noises and finds blood in his apartment, and overhears an argument between an abusive police officer and his wife and their daughter.

I'm not including anything else from the plot summary because it's major spoilage, and this a spoiler free zone. But suffice it to say, the truth about what happens when Bobby can't take standing by any longer and allow the cop to brutilize his family was a shocker.  The gore is sufficient simply because of the subject.  And the ending is satisfactory.

Don't let the slow pace fool you.  This is a well-acted movie.

My recommendation? 

Movie Review - LAID TO REST

This movie starts off slow. It also feels clumsy and amaterish, and the beginning scenes don't really do much to let you know that this film is going to take you for one hell of a roller coaster ride of terror.

LAID TO REST does have its laughable moments (intentional and unintentional), but it also has scenes of such outright terror that you might find yourself gasping at the sheer viciousness of the killer, aptly named "Chrome Skull" due to the chrome mask he glues to his face.

There are a couple of scenes which are supposed to "explain" the serial killer's actions, but really it's inconsequential. Just know that this guy likes to videotape every sick torture he inflicts on his victims. (Although it soon becomes obvious he prefers females, he's not above hacking up a male or two if they get in his way.)

In several cases, the kills are unexpected, including the method. This guy has some really wicked-looking knives, and the deaths he inflicts are not nice, neat, or clean. They're brutal -- hacking and sawing, like a butcher working with a dull blade.

A short spoiler-less synopsis: A woman wakes up, not knowing where she is or even who she is. But there is a maniac in a shiney metal mask who is intent on getting his hands on her. She manages to escape and flags down a passing motorist, who tries to help by taking her to his place for the night. The man and his wife are immediately targeted by the maniac, as well as everyone else who tries to lend aid.

I truly believe that the brutality alone in this film will give it a place in horror history.

My recommendation?

(With the lights on!)

Movie Review - IT'S ALIVE

Many, many moons ago, I remember watching the original IT'S ALIVE. It was scary as hell, but the ending with the father capped it for me.

Larry Cohen, the originator of the first movie, is also involved with this remake (and I use the term loosely, because other than the title and plot, there's very little of the original left in the script.)


The original movie's subtitle is "Something is wrong with the Davis baby. (which leads to the title "It's Alive", giving the audience reason to pause and wonder if the baby being alive is wrong, or...? This one's subtitle is "A baby's thoughts aren't always innocent." I don't know about you, but I always think of innocence in movies as being related to sexual innuendos. Or with being not guilty of a crime. Of course, I could be wrong. But I for one didn't think of this baby's actions being premeditated. To me, everything it did, it did to survive. For me, abject hunger is an overwhelming driving need, and that's what led the baby to do what it did. There was nothing related to "innocence".

The first movie was based in a Big City (aka New York or Los Angeles). The remake is based in New Mexico, out in the Middle of Nowhere, where the baby can wreak as much havoc as needed without pesky neighbors and the police interfering. The scenery is phenomenal, but I think the change is wrong. There's also a handicapped boy, whose role in this movie I have yet to figure out. Ditto for the scenes regarding the boy's new girlfriend.

If you go back and watch the original, the effects will seem cheesy to you, but were state-of-the-art for their time. In the remake, the baby is CGI, and the attacks are first rate. But in the long run, the remake is not worth the film exposed to make it.

My recommendation? I say rent BOTH films, and do a side-by-side comparison. If for no other reason, it's a fairly pleasant way to spend a rainy/cold/snowy afternoon or evening.