Monday Movie Review - THE LAST EXORCISM

Eli Roth, giver of those HOSTEL movies, has brought us his version of the "mockumentary" - more "found film footage", although it's never explained who found the film and where.

The story evolves around a minister who has lost his faith, and has turned to proving that exorcisms are really a money-making scam.  To prove his point, he answers a plea for help from a farmer in Louisiana who claims his daughter is possessed.  The minister does the hokey pokey, "cures" the girl, collects his booty, and is prepared to leave town (along with the two-member film crew following him around) when the girl shows up at his motel room.  She starts showing visible and unexplainable signs of demon possession, and the minister begins to have doubts about the existence of demons.

What follows are bloody and surprising incidents involving a stolen camera, the brutal killing of animals, and a revelation about the young girl.  It isn't until the last ten minutes that Roth pulls out all the stops and gives us a finale that will shake you to the core...if you can swallow it.

Although there isn't a lot of gore or "jump" shocks, the building tension to the payoff kept me on the edge of my seat, wondering what would happen next.  When you can finally wrap your head around the truth that's revealed at the end, you'll find yourself thinking back on it over and over.  And maybe re-watching those last few minutes again.

Which is why my recommendation is that you:

When You See It - See What?

I've seen several of these floating around the internet for a few years now, and snagged the latest one to drop into my e-box.

WHAT am I supposed to see?

(Psst!  Click on picture to get a larger version.)

Shower Zombies

(You gotta love I Can Has Cheezeburger!)

If It Has Zombies, It'll Sell

 While shopping at Target recently, I came across this game in the games section.  The game is called CUPONK, and it's quite simple.  You get two ping pong balls, and you throw them into the cup, which then makes a noise to let you know you've scored.  There were several of these CUPONK cups, ranging from cartoons to this zombie one.  Oh, and the balls have bloodshot eyes on them - natch.

To be honest, I was tempted. 

(Click on picture for a bigger version.)

Road Kill for the Kids

And finally, for those of you who need something to entertain the kids when you go on those road trips...

Road Kill Bingo!

(What you use to cover the squares is totally up to you.)

Road Kill, Menu Version

Click for a bigger version.

(P.S.  I used to have a t-shirt with something very much like this on the back.  One summer I wore it to Disney World, and the people waiting in line thanked me for giving them something to read while they waited.)

Monday Movie Review - LAKE MUNGO

This movie was an After Dark Horrorfest 4 selection.  It took me a while to get to it for various reasons.  But now that I've seen it, umm...well...I've seen it.

This Austrailian flick is not for those who like their shocks, gore, and splatter.  It's a very subtle, very low key film about parents, family, and friends grieving for a girl who drowned in a nearby dam.  Told in documentary style, the parents discover their daughter had a secret life.  From there they begin to suspect their house is haunted by her restless spirit.

If you're the type who enjoys the slow-paced drama of films like "Paranormal Activity" and "Blair Witch", you might enjoy this one.  But for me it was too slow, too monotoned, and the scares that were supposed to make me feel creepy just didn't affect me at all.  Although I loved the Austrailian background, and the camera work was brilliant, I found myself repeatedly glancing at the clock.

Which is why my recommendation is to

More Road Kill, Easter Version

Road Kill

While doing a little research, I came across this picture from the Art News Blog.
Nothing like a little Road Kill Cuddly Toy.

Monday Movie Review - The Human Centipede

"Horror films are unsettling movies that strive to elicit the emotions of fear, disgust and horror from viewers. They often feature scenes that startle the viewer through the means of macabre and the supernatural, thus frequently overlapping with the fantasy and science fiction genres. Horrors also frequently overlap with the thriller genre." - Wikipedia

Every now and then I'll come across a movie that doesn't scare me as much as it disgusts me.  This movie is one of them.  This one didn't frighten me, but instead I caught myself saying things like, "Oh, my God!  Look at what he's doing to those people!"

In brief, two young women are taking a trip in a foreign country, and their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.  But there is a house nearby where they go to seek help.  The house is owned by a physician who gained his reputation for separating conjoined twins.  But now he's out for greater glory by combining people into one body.  (Sort of a 21st century Frankenstein.)

Although there is little in the way of actual graphic scenes depicting the conjoinings, it's the viewers own imaginations that readily fill in the gaps.  Yes, there is gore, but overall the "horror" comes from what the physician succeeds in doing, and the aftermath.

This is not a movie for the squeamish.  If you like your scares via serial killer on the loose, or from aliens from outer space attacking Earth, skip this one.  But if you're one of those who doesn't mind something that will leave you with fodder for forthcoming nightmares, then my suggestion is that you

Dear Gail - How can you watch all those horror movies?

Dear Gail,

How can you stand to watch all those horror movies you write about?  And how can you write those kinds of stories, and romantic ones, too, under your other name?

Actually, watching horror movies is easy for me because I can disassociate myself from them.  I KNOW movies are fake.  I KNOW the actors will stand up when the directions yells, "Cut!".  And if you ever watch any of the "making of" vignettes tacked onto the DVDs, you'll often see "victims" walking around in full bloody makeup, giggling and drinking soda while they wait for filming to resume.  I read horror mags which describe in detail how certain horror effects are done, allowing me the chance to see the difference between real life special effects and CGI (computer graphic imagery).

Why I love horror so much is a mystery to me.  Yes, I write romances, too.  I also teach Kindergarten.  Kinda makes me scary, eh?

But, oddly enough, what I cannot watch is anything where real blood is being spilled.  Why?  Because I consciously know that's real blood, not fake.  So be it a newscast, boxing match, or documentary, if real blood is present, count me out.

Yeah, I'm odd that way.

"Twilight of the Dead"

Heheeee!  A friend sent me this to share.  I love mash-ups.

(Thanks, Candy!)

Monday Movie Review - WITCHFINDER GENERAL

I was in the mood for a Vincent Price film and found this one on Netflix.  Because I hadn't seen it before, and because Price himself once said he believed this was one of his best performances, I watched it.

For a movie made in the '70s, it holds up extremely well.  Of course, the blood is a tad too red to look real, but the acting is top-notch, and the torture scenes still can wring a gasp out of you. 

Price plays a Witchfinder in the 1600s who goes from village to village, promising the townspeople he can rid them of famine and whatnot by removing the witches who caused it...for a price, of course.  It's when he sets his sights on a priest's daughter, and she refuses him, that he punishes both the father and daughter by accusing them of being witches.  Yes, Price is the bad guy in this film, but isn't that what he does best?

I love Price's films, my favorite being THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES.  Like many of his movies, this is a period piece.  And although I'm not real big on "historical horror", I had a good time with this one.  Which is why my recommendation is that you:

Happy Bloody New Year!